May 19th, 2012
Made it to the funeral this morning; we’ll call him E.M. It was really the first full Catholic Mass funeral I’d been to/participated in (there was one a long time ago but it’s a long story and I was still new to the faith). Where I’ve been used to funerals being celebrated in dole old funeral homes (I grew up United), ours are celebrated at church. A fitting place, I think. I found the Catholic funeral to be.. comprehensive. I liked it. A lot more involved, of course, than the funerals I am used to, but not in a burdensome way, just… different.
I’m sure I’d mentioned at some point about my “very good” containment of emotions; at funerals as a child (I went to so many), I never cried. I’d always saved that for later, if at all, outside public gatherings. I’d well up, sure, but nothing exagerant. The last funeral I’d been to, if I remember, was my (maternal) grandma’s. That was quite some time ago. I remember it a bit. Don’t think I was too emotional for that one, either. But I cried for E. today. He was a man that lived the Faith by example and Father coined his words about him perfectly (after reading the Beatitudes, so fitting for E.); what he did, he did in the background. The Faith was so much about who he was and he involved himself in so many things, helping so many people. Never needing recognition (although he received it), but because that’s what you do – love your fellow man. He’s one of those people you can’t say anything bad about; there just wasn’t anything bad to say. He had a good heart. He was one of the first people I got to know and he was an instrument in encouraging my Faith in the Church (he helped teach my RCIA class) so he was among the handful of special ones for me. God love him, and may he rest in peace now with our Lord.
It’s natural to sit there and think about your own mortality, perhaps giving you a sober look into your current life. What would they say at my funeral? Am I living my life the best way I know how? Am I being a positive contributor? etc, etc. Surprisingly, I’m satisfied with some (though not all) of my own answers, but there’s always room for improvement, right? That’s what growth is all about.
Anyways, enough sadness. The rest of the day shall be celebrating life. I may be getting together with friends this evening (hopefully) and I’m looking forward to that. If not, well, I’ll find a way to be productive somehow.
It’s the long weekend here and a time to relax. I hope you’re having a great start to the weekend. Spend it with family, friends.. or maybe you have a garden to tend to? BBQ’s to go to? In any case, be safe. And wear sunscreen! 
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May 19th, 2012
Nadav Shragai..
Israel Hayom..
18 May ’12..
In the winter of 1948, driving to the Mount of Olives became dangerous because the route passed through Arab neighborhoods. The British allowed the Jews to hold burials on the mountain only twice a week, at night, and only with an armed escort. When the security situation worsened in the spring, burials on the Mount of Olives ceased entirely, and the burial societies were given plots of land in western Jerusalem.
Sixty-four years later, with the Mount of Olives under Israeli sovereignty, there is no escaping the painful comparison. The incidents that have taken place on the way to the Mount of Olives over the past several months are reminiscent of the British Mandate era. Almost every week, Jews are attacked on their way there. Families who wish to visit the graves of their loved ones or hold funerals there need armed security guards. As a result, the public has made its choice: many families who had formerly wished to hold funerals on the Mount of Olives now choose cemeteries in the city’s western section.
An Israel Hayom survey reveals that since the year 2000, approximately 3,500 Jewish burials have taken place on the Mount of Olives — a drastic drop of about 50 percent compared with the first decades following the 1967 Six-Day War. According to the cemetery council, demand for burial in the Jewish cemetery on the Mount of Olives, the largest and most important Jewish cemetery in the world, is declining after 3,000 years. Taxi drivers from all over Israel sent a letter to the police commissioner stating that at certain hours of the day, the drive to the Mount of Olives endangers their lives, since vehicles belonging to Jews are pelted with stones and boulder fragments from both sides of the road. Several drivers have stopped taking families to memorial services there. One driver, Pinhas Saidoff, declared that he “won’t risk my life or the lives of my passengers.”
“What is happening on the way to the Mount of Olives is a disgrace. If Jews were to throw stones at Arab cars, the authorities would put a stop to it quickly enough,” Saidoff said.
After a long period of dormancy, the authorities have finally started to wake up over the past few years, perhaps not a moment too soon. In an attempt to prevent vandalism and gravestone desecration, 123 cameras placed throughout the Mount of Olives transmit images to centers run by the Housing Ministry. Soon, the cameras will also be connected to the Israel Nature and Parks Authority and to the new police station on the mount. As yet, no cameras have been mounted on the road where most of the Jews have been attacked — the road that connects Mount Scopus to the Mount of Olives and goes through the A-Tur neighborhood. Therefore, the police cannot ensure the safety of Jews driving to or from the mount.
The reconstruction work on the mount, to repair the damage that the Jordanians did to both the mountain and the gravestones between 1948 and 1967, is progressing very slowly. The Jordanians smashed, desecrated and destroyed 38,000 gravestones during the nineteen years that they controlled the Mount of Olives and East Jerusalem. Many gravestones were used as raw materials in the construction of homes, roads, stairs, toilets and walls. Other graves were paved over, to serve as roads. Israel’s protests went unheeded.
But when Israel came back to the mount, it put off rebuilding. Only in 2008, 41 years after the Six-Day War, did reconstruction work on the mount and its gravestones go into high gear. It was only in the last three years that the Jerusalem Development Authority repaired 16,000 gravestones. Meanwhile, the police have recently had much more success in dealing with the youth gangs and terrorists who smash gravestones and attack Jews.
Thanks to work by the police’s minorities division, undercover agents, the Border Police and the Israel Security Agency, 63 suspects — 25 adults and 38 minors — have been arrested since the beginning of the year. Charges have been filed against 11 of them, and another 17 indictments are still pending.
The Jerusalem Periphery police unit, commanded by Brig. Gen. Nissim Edri, has approached prominent figures in the surrounding neighborhoods, as well as leading educators, in order to involve them in calming the spirits. The directors of the burial societies are demanding that the police and the courts treat the attacks as acts of terrorism rather than as criminal acts, which would prevent most of the suspects from being released on bail. Security officials say that this is a decision for the political echelon.
Maj. Gen. (ret.) Mickey Levy, the former commander of the police’s Jerusalem district, said this week, “The police are understaffed in Jerusalem. When a decision has to be made about where to station the available officers — on the way to the Western Wall or on the way to the Mount of Olives — it is not an easy decision.”
A near-lynching
The most significant escalation of violence in that area was recorded during the Second Intifada in 2000, but recently there has been a resurgence of such violence against Jews. Those who attended the funeral of the well-known businessman and philanthropist Cyril Stein last year may recall how the police instructed the drivers in the long funeral procession making its way to the Mount of Olives to turn off their headlights and drive in complete darkness in order to avoid being attacked. “We felt humiliated,” one of the mourners said.
Although Cyril Stein’s funeral ended with nothing worse than hurt feelings, other cases have ended with Jews being attacked and wounded. When Yisrael Schechter was wounded by a stone thrown at his windshield near the Maale Zeitim neighborhood, he was taken to Hadassah Hospital on Mount Scopus. The Yaari family of Kiryat Malachi was on their way to a memorial service on the Mount of Olives when, on the A-Tur road, their car was blocked and they were attacked by a group of about 20 stone-throwing Arab men. The rear window was smashed and the stones were subsequently hurled directly at the passengers. The attackers tried to open the car doors, but the quick thinking of the father, who managed to maneuver the car out of the area, saved their lives.
Last March, a resident of Jerusalem, who wanted to visit his mother’s grave on his wedding day, fell into a particularly violent ambush. Near the A-Tur high school, his car was surrounded by a group of about 40 young men. At first, they splashed white paint on the car windows. Then they threw cinderblocks and boulder fragments at the car, smashing all the windows. One of the cinderblocks struck the groom-to-be in the head, and he started to bleed. The attackers dragged him out of the car and kicked him. Luckily, the attempted lynching only caused minor wounds, but the victim was terribly traumatized.
Last month, a bus chartered by members of the Gur hasidic sect came under a hail of stones as it drove toward the grave of the fifth Gerrer Rebbe, Rabbi Yisrael Alter. Some leaders of hasidic sects in Jerusalem have ordered their followers not to go to the Mount of Olives because of the danger involved.
TThe violence peaked when Border Police officers were called in to rescue Nir Nahshon, a driver who had lost his way and ended up in the Arab neighborhood of Issawiyah, near Mount Scopus. Arab attackers pelted Nahshon’s car with stones, threw a firebomb at him, dragged him out of the car and beat and wounded him. One of the village mukhtars, together with his sons and Border Police troops who had been called to the scene, rescued him. The week before, young Arab men had attacked a family on their way to the cemetery to visit their mother’s grave. Police officers were also attacked in A-Tur, and five of them were wounded in one particular incident.
Light sentences
World Jewry is also quite troubled by the escalating violence near the Mount of Olives over the past two years. It is not only Israelis who bury their dead on the mount; Jews living abroad also bury their relatives there at times.
Two brothers, Avraham and Menachem Lubinsky, recently formed the International Committee to Preserve Har HaZeitim (Mount of Olives). They wished to visit the Mount of Olives before gathering a group of Knesset members and members of the U.S. Congress, led by Deputy Foreign Minister Danny Ayalon, in the Great Synagogue in Jerusalem. Wishing to see the situation on the mount with their own eyes, they rented a luxury bus, and — not surprisingly — were pelted with stones. They gave a first-hand report on the attack at the conference.
The police have recently stationed a police unit near the Seven Arches Hotel. This is a temporary location — the permanent location is supposed to be on the grounds of the mosque that extends onto the Mount of Olives near Ras el-Amud. The police have also beefed up patrols on the roads leading to the mount, which has slightly reduced the number of attacks. Installing surveillance cameras on the mount has also helped, since Palestinians desecrating graves have been photographed, prosecuted and convicted. But such convictions usually carry light sentences. One Palestinian who was sentenced to three months in prison for desecrating the cemetery said during questioning that he had been given NIS 1,000 to commit the crime.
Avraham Lubinsky, the chairman of the International Committee to Preserve Har HaZeitim, thinks that the vandals get off cheaply. He noted that most Western countries and most states in the U.S. have specific legislation requiring mandatory jail terms for desecrating graves. “In New York State, for example, the vandal would get three years,” Lubinsky says.
A 40-year delay
The cemetery on the Mount of Olives covers approximately 250 dunams (62 acres) east of the Temple Mount. It serves as a pantheon commemorating the Jewish people’s most prominent national and religious figures, who have been buried there for 3,000 years. Major Jewish figures and leaders of the country, artists from all walks of life, rabbis and leaders of Jewish sects are buried there, as are the biblical figures Hagai, Zechariah, Malachi, and Avshalom. Rabbi Ovadia of Bartenura, a well-known commentator on the Mishnah, is buried there, as is Rabbi Haim Ben Attar (author of the religious work Or ha-Hayyim).
Other major figures who are buried on the Mount of Olives include Pinhas Rutenberg, who founded the Israel Electric Corporation at the beginning of the twentieth century; the writers S.Y. Agnon and Haim Hazaz; the poet Uri Zvi Greenberg; and Eliezer Ben-Yehuda, who revived Hebrew as a modern spoken language. The leaders of the hasidic dynasties of Sadigura, Ger and Nadvorna are buried there, as is Henrietta Szold, the founder of Hadassah. Great intellectuals such as Professor Ephraim Auerbach and Rabbi Abraham Isaac hacohen Kook are buried there, as is the sixth prime minister of Israel, Menachem Begin. So is Yoel Moshe Salomon, who was one of the first people to build outside the walls of the Old City toward the end of the nineteenth century and also a founder of Petah Tikva. Tens of thousands of less well-known Jews are buried in the Yemenite, Bucharian, Georgian, hasidic, Iraqi and Jerusalemite sections. A computerized information center established recently by the Elad organization has mapped about 50,000 of the 70,000 graves on the mount. Anyone who wishes to find a grave whose location has been lost over the years can search for it with a few keystrokes, with a fair chance of succeeding.
Several weeks ago, a group of government officials and representatives of groups affiliated with the Mount of Olives met to discuss the situation under the auspices of the Knesset’s Committee for Immigration, Absorption and Diaspora Affairs. The meeting was initiated by the committee’s chairman, MK Danny Danon. The meeting was conducted on three separate channels, which didn’t always meet. There were expressions of remorse, accusations, and many personal stories told by MKs and committee guests.
These guests included Malcolm Hoenlein, the executive vice chairman of the Conference of Presidents of Major American Jewish Organizations, Kenneth Abramowitz of the U.S. branch of World Likud and Meir Indor, the chairman of the Almagor Terror Victims’
Organization. All of three had been attacked during a visit to the Mount of Olives. One question that police officials at the meeting were asked again and again was why security guards were even necessary for a visit to the Mount of Olives, and whether the police could obviate the need for them by treating the problem at the root.
Sarit Goldstein, a Prime Minister’s Office representative, said, “For forty years, nothing was done on the Mount of Olives. Even though it was restored to Israeli sovereignty, it was neglected and desecrated.” She recalled that when she began dealing with the subject, she looked for government decisions from the 1970s that dealt with the restoration of the Mount of Olives and an increase in security there.
“But nothing was done,” she said. “The significant changes began in 2005, when the government decided on the Holy Basin plan, which included the restoration of the Mount of Olives. Eighty million shekels were allocated for it. The project took a very long time to get started. It’s only been over the past two years that we’ve been seeing improvement.”
The Mount of Olives on the negotiating table
One cannot tell the recent story of the Mount of Olives without mentioning the fact that it, too, was put on the Israel-Palestinian negotiating table. During the Camp David talks of 2000, in which then-Prime Minister Ehud Barak agreed to divide Jerusalem, Israel rejected the demand to relinquish sovereignty over the Mount of Olives. However, at the time Israel did agree to grant the Palestinians sovereignty over villages and neighborhoods such as A-Tur, part of Silwan, part of Ras el-Amud and parts of the Old City, through which the road to the mount passes.
During the administration of former Prime Minister Ehud Olmert and his foreign minister, Tzipi Livni, the Mount of Olives was made part of the area defined in the talks as “the Holy Basin,” and a special governing system was proposed. Sources close to the negotiating team said then that Israel had no intention of offering the Palestinians control over the Mount of Olives as part of the agreement. But Israel did agree to give the Palestinians control over strategic territories in the area and the neighborhoods that surrounded it.
The “Israeli team,” which comprised high-ranking Labor officials, was willing to go even further. Their Geneva Initiative was a series of non-binding, hypothetical negotiations between high-ranking Palestinian ministers and officials and members of the Labor Party and the Israeli left wing. Although the initiative had no legal status, the Palestinian and Israeli officials involved regarded it and its conclusions as the basis of a future agreement on Jerusalem as well. Paragraph 6 of the initiative states that the Mount of Olives shall be under Palestinian sovereignty.
When we consider the attacks on the Mount of Olives and the desecration of the gravestones there, which have been stopped only recently, it is not hard to imagine what would happen if the mount were to go under Palestinian control. As we recall, Jordan promised free access to the Mount of Olives in the armistice agreement that it signed. But between 1948 and 1967, Jordan prevented Israelis and Jews from visiting the mount and burying their dead there, in direct violation of its promise.
Link: http://www.israelhayom.com/site/newsletter_article.php?id=4392
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May 16th, 2012
 By Chuck Gallagher
Do you ever just get irritated when you hear stupidity being uttered? Admittedly, sometimes I do. As I pen these words for this timely article, I am sitting in a quarterly meeting reviewing results – call volume and sales results – both funeral and cemetery. From the results you begin to see trends. Some, such as increasing cremation, are not a great surprise. However, there are some common threads that are starting appear that are simple in one way and telling in another.
WHAT ARE WE PROVIDING OUR CUSTOMERS?
The question that begins this section would seem to have an obvious answer, but does it? Let’s explore our terminology and therefore what we place in the mind of our customer. Yes…I said terminology. Here’s an example:
In a combination location a discussion arises related to the size and type of markers a family might want to select following a death. The person leading the discussion was writing on a white board sharing about the features and benefits of the types of markers that seem to meet family’s needs. Whether through the use of a Lasting Memories bronze to a veteran’s match to an upright monument…all were referred to as a marker. Therein lies the problem.
The leader was using a “marker” to write on white board. A marker is something you write with…so the question is…is that what we are offering to our families? Even the dictionary indicates that a “marker” is something that is used to write or mark an object. Okay…so it certainly could be argued that we sell “markers” to mark the object – namely the gravesite…but again, is that the sole purpose of selling a bronze or granite to the family?
I started this section with the word “terminology”. Terminology is important, if not critical, to creating value with the service we provide. Let me be clear…we help families with memorialization…! Rarely in my twenty-plus years of experience in the death-care profession have I found that families are mostly interested in a simple way to mark the location of a grave. Yes…that might be the practical outcome but the selection and emotion involved in the selection process is far more significant. Further, the question that arises today is who is the primary buyer?
WHAT’S AT STAKE WITH THE TERMINOLOGY WE USE?
Memorialization vs. Marker – which has more value? Folks…that’s an easy question. There is no doubt that when asking the primary buyers today – the baby boomers – there is far more value associated with the term “memorial” or “memorialization” than there is to the term “marker”. With declining averages and challenges in showing value with our services…what would motivate us to us antiquated terminology that creates in the mind of the customer a commodity vs. creating a creation of immense value?
To be clear, I am not promoting any particular brand or being compensated for any brand mentioned…but some comments are best described with concrete examples. We’ve all been in cemeteries where “markers” were sold. What appeared was typically a name. birthdate or year and death date or year. Nothing special…nothing more than just a “marker” – or a bronze or granite plaque. What’s the value to the family or the value to the service provider – you? I would suggest that to both the answer is minimal.
The value of terminology is significant. Both Matthews and Granit Bronze have created memorialization that moves the concept of a “marker” into the baby boomer age where people are willing to pay for value. Whether it’s “Expressions in Bronze” offered by Granit Bronze or “Lasting Memories” offered by Matthews – either give the family the opportunity to create something that is unique – that will never be replicated in the cemetery.
These approaches allow families to personalize their memory into a permanent form of memorialization. And as you can imagine, what we create that is unique is considered more valuable than a cookie-cutter approach. To take it further, the other day as I was thinking of this article, I went online and sought “marker” options and saw many opportunities for cookie-cutter bronze or granite “markers”…but I was hard pressed to find a way to get personalized help to create a unique memorial for my loved one.
WHAT DO WE REALLY DO?
Do we “honor and celebrate” lives or do we do just do “funerals”? Do we offer “markers” or do we “memorialize” a life well lived? These questions are significant. How your bottom line materializes in many ways is a function of how you answer these profound questions. As time progresses and we find that we serve more and more baby boomers who are making arrangements for their parents, we will find that we can grow our business by customizing our service offerings. Terminology does make a difference because what we speak is what we focus on…and after all, money matters.
Chuck Gallagher is the Chief Operating Officer for American Funeral Financial – The Funeral Funding Experts, funeral consultant – as well as an international speaker on sales success and business ethics. He is also the author of a new book, “Second Chances”.
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May 16th, 2012
Acoustic double glazing requires the addition of a secondary glazing layer offset from an existing window, optimally by 100mm. Soundblock offer two solutions to double glaze windows for noise and thermal insulation – Magnetic Acrylic Double Glazing and Acoustic Aluminium Double Glazing. Article body:
What is Window Double Glazing?
Double glazing depends on the addition of a secondary glazing layer offset from an existing window optimally by 100mm. Retrofit our acoustic double glazing to your existing windows or specify our solutions on new projects. Double glazed windows reduce noise transfer by up to 70% and reduce heating costs by 35%.
Double Glazing System – Magnetic Acrylic Windows
Magnetic Window Soundproofing System functions very simply by adding a PVC sub frame on the inside of your window. This double glazing system greatly increases noise removal. The acrylic window is sealed in place, creating an air space with the existing window, thereby producing an insulating barrier.
Double Glazing System – Acoustic Aluminium Windows
This double glazing system reduces the transfer of noise from outside to inside. These sound proof windows can be specially manufactured to meet specific size requirements. The Soundblock Aluminium Window System is an add on glazing system, creating a double glazed unit to greatly reduce noise transmission through existing windows up to 70%. As well it provides extra safety and security to the property.
How to Soundproof Windows
To successfully soundproof your windows you need to have a sufficient gap between your primary window and the edge of your internal window reveal. Ideally this gap is 100mm. This will allow an acoustic secondary window, either our Soundblock Acrylic Magnetic or Soundblock Aluminium windows, to be installed to effectively provide an overall sound reduction of 40-43db.
Noise reduction and soundproofing solutions
Established in 1999, Soundblock Solutions is a respected privately-owned Australian provider of soundproofing products and solutions. We can help to create a quieter, more comfortable environment in any surroundings, whether it’s in the home, office, marine, industrial, restaurants or hotels.
Representing leading Australian manufacturers of acoustic products, Soundblock offers a extended range of double glazing and window sound insulation and noise control products for commercial and domestic use. We will determine your specific noise problems and supply and install the most effective product or combination of products for your specific situation. Talk to us for expert advice and a comprehensive, cost-effective solution for all of your soundproofing, double glazing, noise control and acoustic requirements.
Soundblock are the experts in noise reduction and have found using window double glazing systems, that noise can be reduced by up to 70% or 41dB. Soundblock offer two solutions to double glaze windows for noise and thermal insulation.
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May 10th, 2012
 As baby boomers age and find themselves having to plan funerals for loved ones and even themselves, some are making funeral choices based on values that are different than previous generations. Boomers see funerals as a valuable part of the grieving process and are seeking ways to make them more meaningful.
Today, funeral service consumers are planning services that are as unique as the person who passed. The idea of personalization has resulted in services that reflect the hobbies, passions and interests of the deceased. Through personalization, funeral services can become more meaningful.
In fact, in recent years, consumers have increasingly relied on the Internet as a leading resource for information. You’ve already proved that point by reading this. Businesses have increased their presence on the Web and funeral homes are no exception. In order to enhance service to families and community, many now have their own Web site. Heritage Funeral centre is one such forward-thinking service provider – www.heritagefuneralcentre.ca.
Having a presence in cyberspace allows funeral homes to display their products and services, providing the consumer with the freedom to conduct research at their convenience.
Now some funeral homes can help families create memorial videos which include photographs accompanied by music. These videos can be shown at visitation or even during the funeral service itself.
Visitation and memorial services often take place shortly after a person’s death; it may be impossible for all family members and friends to attend. There are now some service-oriented enterprises that have begun to accommodate those distant loved ones by providing a live online broadcast of the actual funeral service. These broadcasts can be archived for viewing at a later date or even made into a DVD that family and loved ones can keep.
Located in the heart of Canada’s largest city, Heritage Funeral Centre is a full service independently-owned funeral home with a remarkably simple plan: to consistently be the best value community funeral home in all of Toronto. They offer fair prices, exceptional, compassionate and patient professional staff and, an excellent facility that is second-to-none. Call 416-423-1000 to arrange a private appointment.
Back to the Heritage Funeral Centre profile page
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May 10th, 2012
Since taking the helm some three decades ago he has seen business slow nearly to standstill. Two satellite locations have shuttered and sold. The Dominic J. Cusimano Court Street Funeral Home hosts few services and almost no wakes. The funerals it does perform last only a day. On a good week, it will have one. Mr. Cusimano does not blame death industry conglomerates that have claimed a great portion of the market, or the increased preference of the public for cremation. He does not blame the five other local funeral directors, some of whom, he says, employ underhanded tactics to attract the patronage of the bereaved. “The neighborhood is just entirely different,” he says. “Go out on the street and you hardly see anyone over 50.”
It’s true. On the sidewalk beneath our living room windows, Bugaboos far outnumber Rascals. Where Sicilian stevedores and their families once shopped and gathered, young couples steer scooter-borne progeny around labradoodles and sidewalk antique galleries, fair-trade cappuccinos in hand. The odd pork store or bakery remains, but other storefronts—the cobblers, tailors, butchers and fishmongers that once catered to fervent old-world demand—have largely dissipated. It is not gentrification as such, however, that has sapped Mr. Cusimano’s business.
“Everybody’s all over the place,” he tells me, meaning families formerly resident to the neighborhood, many of which have relocated to the suburbs of Long Island and New Jersey, to Arizona and Florida. The corner of Court and Baltic no longer represents a nexus for newly immigrated Italians and their children; it has not for some time. Mr. Cusimano estimates the exodus began in earnest in the 1950s. Descendants of the family’s first customers have spread across the country and beyond, and increasingly few hearken to traditional loyalties when the time comes to make final arrangements. “The children don’t know who to call, so they use someone local,” Mr. Cusimano says. “Or they say, ‘Why should we call Cusimano?’” Still, he does not begrudge these flouting offspring, who are likely merely ignorant or practical, or simply see no reason to return to Brooklyn to bury their dead, to do as those that came before had done. Mr. Cusimano’s daughters, after all, are lawyers, and his son the aforementioned financier.
We did not observe a single funeral in our first months living above the Dominic J. Cusimano Court Street Funeral Home. I went frequently to the mortuary’s office to speak with John, the superintendent—an enormous, cloudy-eyed man who received packages for us in our absence—and could not imagine, based on the facility’s interior condition, that anyone would hire the venue. The parlor was a dim, musty room, outfitted with gray industrial carpeting and mismatched yard sale furniture. Crooked family pictures from a variety of eras hung from the walls, and odd luggage pieces and half-opened Fed Ex packages lay strewn haphazardly about. In one corner, a sprawling model trainscape presided with a somehow proprietary air. A yellowed and claustrophobic alcove, which passed for a front office, stood behind a sliding glass window with a metal shelf, as can often be seen at ticket counters. The overall effect was of a rail station in desuetude. In its apparent ineligibility to host funerals, this tableau provided some reassurance. John insisted, however, that Mr. Cusimano had an active business, and that things had merely gotten a little quiet for the moment.
Quiet, near silent, they remained for many weeks. Though returning at each day’s end to a mortuary proved at first an eerie experience, a memento mori in constant refrain, the structure’s disuse began to take on a semi-comic quality. Here was this big old creaking building dedicated to stuffing and painting corpses that seemed never to arrive, to be altogether in short supply. A hearse came and went but ferried only the living. The streets were full of the chatter of new parents, the squeak of stroller wheels. In Cobble Hill, it seemed, the mortician had with the VCR repairman joined the ranks of technicians whose services had lurched into irrelevancy. Death had become somehow rare, incongruous with the present community. Like an outbreak of bubonic plague in the American West, something very nearly amusing in its outrageous anachronism. A line from a Hemingway story looped in my head: “(Nick) felt quite sure he would never die.”
Downstairs, though, the local cessation of human demise itself represented a fatal portent. Sitting on a worn velvet sofa in the old smoking room in a preppy salmon-colored oxford shirt and olive cords that belie his gruff local accent, Mr. Cusimano, gray and in his sixties, expresses an irremediable sort of regret. He mourns the passage of time. His family, he estimates, has hosted more than 10,000 funerals since 1929. “We got to know thousands of people,” he says with a look that is at once warm and distant. “Wherever we go, anywhere in the world, we run into them.” It is their absence he laments, that they have passed on to whatever their futures held, and that they will not return to him. He misses the camaraderie of the old neighborhood, the community of immigrants and their children that greeted on another by name in the street.
I get the impression he misses the bustle and call of Italian women through the parlor—after his young father to translate their letters—long before he was ever born. Profits are way off, but they concern him little, and he makes limited efforts to attract new business. It would only be strangers, after all. The property is worth a small fortune and Mr. Cusimano receives offers almost every week. But great sentiment attaches to the dank old place, and he is reluctant to sell. He remembers when this part of Brooklyn had residents old enough to die. He remembers the children who grew up and fled to the suburbs, where they lay their dead in neat brick houses with white columns. Soon, he seems to think, he too will take his leave.
This funeral parlor, it appears to me after six months in residence, was never any ghastly workshop after all. Many have laid below at their final rest, it’s true. But funerals, as my mother told me many years ago, are for the survivors. The places where they take place must be too. And who are the survivors, but all of us? I cannot wish for people to die, but they are dying, of course. Somewhere, if not in Cobble Hill. Maybe it would be possible to route a few bodies to the Dominic J. Cusimano Court Street Funeral Home. Maybe a little upswing would inspire Mr. Cusimano to clear out the clutter and straighten family portraits. Maybe the business could regain its footing, though it wouldn’t be the same, I know. I almost wish I could see it working now, in the clamor of the old neighborhood. I wouldn’t even mind sharing real estate with the bodies. I just know it’d be something to see it humming along in the infancy of the Cusimanos’ faded and repurposed world. A crossroads and a meeting place, amidst all the living and the dead.
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May 4th, 2012
*Dolby Sounds* (all the programs) www.youtube.com –Date:Oct 18 1988 –Place:Suntory Hall (Tokyo)
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May 4th, 2012
 Friend, father, grandfather, uncle, husband; counselor, teacher, conversationalist, listener, Highet historian; lover of music, travel, sailing, history, maps, politics, ideas — and peanut butter. Not one for small talk, he loved discussions on any topic. He was inquisitive, gregarious, and very funny. He loved people, and people loved him. Ever involved in his community, he said he liked “being useful.” He was so much more than just “useful,” as all who knew him can attest. He recognized and appreciated the uniqueness and strengths of others. Above all, he adored his four kids and embraced all his family with unlimited love. During his final year, he lived life to the fullest with humor, strength, and grace, even though prostate cancer had metastasized painfully into his bones.
Stuart Irving Highet was born in Fostoria, Ohio on October 17, 1931 to Donald A. Highet and Grace Slimmon Highet. The family lived for a few years in Chicago, then moved to Salt Lake City, where Stu attended Granite High School. After his junior year, the family moved to Peck, Idaho; Stu graduated from nearby Orofino High School as one of the Orofino “Maniacs.”
After high school, to avoid the draft, Stu joined the Navy for a 4-year term. After boot camp, he was assigned to a destroyer warship. He was in line to board that ship when he was taken out of that line because he knew how to type, then assigned to a troop transport ship. It was Friday the 13th, which he would always call his “lucky day,” because the warship he would have served on was later attacked, and many men died. He was a yeoman on the USS Jupiter, which made many crossings from Seattle to Korea and Japan. In December 1951 he had his first airplane ride, from Tokyo to Guam to Hawaii to San Francisco; each leg of the flight was twelve hours long. On leave in Seattle in 1953, Stu happened to be in the right place at just the right time to be one of the first people to drive across the brand new Alaskan Way viaduct. This year he was able to see the beginning of the end of the viaduct.
Out of the Navy in 1954, Stu returned to Idaho to work in a lumber mill. Wild youth that he was (hard to imagine that now), he test-drove a brand new Buick at high speed smack into the side of a mountain, barely escaping with his life. After weeks in the hospital, he continued to recover at the home of his parents, who then lived in Federal Way, Washington.
In January 1955 he enrolled at the College of Puget Sound (now UPS). He also worked at the Tacoma Sears hardware dept. While at UPS, he met and married Suzanne Bennett. Son Scott, was born; then, Stephen. In 1962 Stu received a BS in Education at UPS. He taught 6th grade in Tacoma. Two daughters were born: Shelley; then, Sydney.
Stu briefly quit teaching and worked for 3-M Corporation, selling educational products, but returned to teaching after two years. He then applied for and received a graduate grant. The family spent one year in Omaha; Stu received a MS in counseling at the University of Nebraska. Returning to Tacoma, Stu worked as a guidance counselor at the elementary, junior-high, and high school levels for many years. He and Suzanne divorced, but he soon met Pat, a first-grade teacher; they married in 1976. Her two sons, Mark and Jeff, and daughter, Jennifer completed their family. In addition, in 1985 they “adopted” a Swiss exchange student for a year, “John,” (Jean-Charles) Fiaccabrino, who is still their dear “eighth child.”
In 1987 Stu and Pat accepted positions at the American International School in Lagos, Nigeria, where for three years they worked with students from over forty countries. They had opportunities to travel to Europe and other African countries during their holiday breaks. After retirement, Stu and Pat attended many Elder hostels in the U.S. Stu was very proud of his Scottish heritage. He visited Scotland three times. His ancestors lived in the same part of Scotland as did Robert Burns; Stu and Pat attended the “Burns Supper” several times, Stu in full regalia, including his “Cameron” tartan kilt. Stu also wanted to see India; he and friend Vince toured India together for a three-week “Road Scholar” spiritual journey.
In 1994 Stu and Pat moved to Vashon Island, where they built a home at Piner Point, overlooking Commencement Bay. The Vashon community welcomed them both; Stu became one of the “Keepers of Point Robinson Lighthouse,” serving on the board and participating in the restoration of the old keepers’ houses. This project was one of his most-loved endeavors.
Alhough it was hard to leave their Vashon community, Stu and Pat moved to Seattle in 2006 to be closer to their families. Soon after moving to the “Stendall Place” community, Stu served on the board and was instrumental in organizing and working with a committee to preserve the landscape trees and plan for their future care. Many friendships were formed during that time.
Stu’s life was rich, full, and flavorful. He is survived by his wife, Pat; two sons, Scott (wife Lorie), of Puyallup, WA, and Steve (wife, Joanna) of Portland, OR; two daughters, Shelley Ghosn (husband, David) of Lake Stevens; Sydney Scoma (husband, Jeff); Pat’s sons, Mark Crosland of Seattle, and Jeff Crosland (wife, Ione) of Severna Park, MD, and Pat’s daughter, Jennifer Johnson (husband, Andy) of Lakewood, WA; grandsons Nathan, Nicholas, Brian, Mike, Jefferson, and Luke; granddaughters Jessie, Lauren, Janine, Mia, Gianna, Audrey, Ally, and Katie. He loved being a grandfather. He also leaves two brothers, Gerald of Mt. Vernon, WA, and Bill of Fresno, CA, a sister-in-law, Marie Highet, ofFresno,CA, and numerous nephews and nieces. He was preceded in death by one brother, Gail.
A memorial service will be held at 11:00 a.m. on Friday, May 18, at the home of Anita Halstead and Kelly Robinson; 10017 SW Dock Street, Vashon Island. A memorial tree will be planted at a later date; Stu’s wishes were to have his ashes spread under a newly planted tree. Memorial donations may be made to the charitable organization of your choice.
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May 4th, 2012
 i needed to rest up from my vacation. i got up early a number of days to catch a train or plane or tour bus. i had to be on the go to catch all the sites i was to see. i put in some long hour days most of the time i was gone. i will remember this trip for the rest of my life. i have always wanted to see machu picchu. i read about it as i was growing up. the same with other ruin sites. i have visited a few of those places. that is something that i thought wasnt possible. i saved for this trip. now i want to go some place else. i havent decided where yet but i will go somewhere.
i was kinda proud of myself that i was able to hang in there at the altitudes i was at. i have to be honest i was short of breath a few times. i just rested until i could go on. i was running on will power. i wanted to see the places we were at. a week wasnt enough time to see everything. i wish i had more time to explore more. i am satisfied about what i did get to see and experience.
i enjoyed south america. i got off on the fact many of the people were brown like i am. i had a few minor problems communicating since i dont speak spanish or quechua. i was able to get by though. i got what ever i needed one way or other. people are the same the world over. if there is a need to communicate it can be done. i find that out while in france and italy. i got by over there too.
the first thing i did when i got back home was to go see my grand son. i hadnt seen him in 10 days. i was hoping he didnt forget me. he is only two months old. as soon as he heard my voice he turned to where i was. i held him and talked to him. i got caught up in south america but i kept thinking about the little guy. i would see children playing everywhere and that made me think of my grand son. i cant wait til i can play games with him. i love that boy.
this week end will be an honor for me. i will get to name my grandson. there will be about a dozen children that we will name. i still remember the words of one of our old men. he said that one of the highest honors there is, is to name ones own grand child. i have named kids a few times. i enjoy that. i do so many funerals that it is nice to see new life starting too. the same with doing marriages. i have a few of them to do down the road.
another thing i did when i got home was to go check on the young red elm trees that i transplanted before i left. as soon as i saw that each tree was sprouting new leaves i felt glad. i know they made it. red elm is the wood we use for our sacred fire. i heard that our people only expanded as far north into canada as there was elm. thats how important the tree was to our people. the same when they were moving our people to our new home here in kansas. when the old ones seen there was elm they accepted the place. i will mulch the trees next. i gotta make sure that they make it.
my dogs were happy to see me too. i missed them as well. i treat them good. they are loyal to me. i am glad that we had people looking after them while we were gone. they fed my chickens too. i like to keep animals on my place. i am used to having them around.
now i got to get back into the routine….
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April 28th, 2012
Coming close to death a few times on my own is hard enough, but dealing with the death of a loved one or friend is just as hard for me.
I had an uncle here in Irvine and a friend in DC pass away in the last 48 hours and I’m feeling very numb. I know it’s not about me, but all my thoughts in the last two days have been about my fear of dying. I can’t get it out of my head. This feeling has got me freaking out about every skip of my heartbeat (recently found out I have an arrhythmia), every weird feeling in my chest and body and afraid to go to sleep for fear I might not wake up.
My heart and thoughts goes out to family and friends of my uncle and that of my friend. Extended family is flying in from all over the country over the next few days to come and pay their respects to my uncle.
I don’t do funerals. I just don’t. Is that bad? Am I being disrespectful? The last funeral I attended was that of my grandmother in the early 90s. After that experience I couldn’t take it. I found myself completely emotionless. With my own recent brushes with death starting in 2002 with my first heart attack I have not been able to get myself to attend a funeral.
I’m scared. It’s a reminder to me that life is given and can be taken away at an instant. Seeing people in mourning hurts. Again, I think to what would happen if I didn’t survive the last heart attack. According to the doctors, I very nearly didn’t.
I don’t want my family and friends to be mourning my passing. I don’t want to think or be reminded of my mortality.
I know it sounds selfish, but I’m sorry. There have been family members, both extended and close that have past away in the years since my grandmother’s death, and I never went to the funerals. Even as I sit here writing this entry, I am absolutely terrified of the thought. It’s not that I’m not in mourning, I am very sad that they have past away. Very sad. Please don’t equate my own fears of mortality with lack of respect or lack of mourning. I deal with mourning in my own way, in private.
I feel horrible that I have avoided ceremonial funerals. I just feel like I’ll exploded inside and that my own demise will take place right there and then. Is this bad? Am I a bad person for feeling this way?
I haven’t slept, and I’m constantly thinking about mortality. I’ve tried to distract myself from time to time, but it doesn’t take much for me to turn laughter into sadness at the blink of an eye. The next few days will be hard for me as family members will be flying in and will expect to see me at the funeral.
Hug your loved ones. Savor life. BE life.
Every moment you are here on this precious world is sacred.
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